Today is another bad day. That's what I thought. I woke up depressed and the mood went on for more than half a day. There were troubles here and there all through the day.
But then, I found this song on Youtube, an old folk song that I used to listen to when I was young.
I watched and I cried and thought how far I am from being totally alone and deprived of all the good things.
I know that I won't be able to do much good to the world, if I can't find peace within myself. As long as I can't find that "water" that Jesus talked about, the water once drink, and you won't be thirst again, then I won't have a lot of peace and a lot of love to share to others. I still have a hard time trying to connect to the Lord, deep within me. If I found that deep peace, then my mission to the world might begin. If not, then I would have to continue being depressed and anxious with all the problems centering on myself and my life, instead of reaching out to others.
But tonight I found that my dreams don't die. They are just asleep. I dream that one day I could be one human being that make this world a little better place for the poor and lonely on the streets, and be someone who has a part in creating peace and harmony among the people in this world, creating the Kingdom of the Lord right here on Earth.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta's book used to touch me deeply. But I just know that the first thing I need to do now is not going out there and trying to become a volunteer by my own effort. I felt a call that I need to find this peace within me somehow, before I can start doing anything good.
It's just a dream, anyway. (Sigh)
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