Nightmare and Anxiety

There is a problem that I still cannot solve and cannot do anything about it. Nightmare.
When you have to wake up in the middle of the night because you felt like you' ve just met some ghosts or spirits, or have gone through scary situation, or before waking up you had a dream that someone you know hates you so much and want to do anything to hurt you. This problem can be quite a suffering. If you were me, you'll understand how a beautiful morning can be ruined by bad dreams.

If my whole life I've always had dreams that resulted from bad stomach, too much TV series, or stress from the day, then I wouldn't have to worry when I have nightmares. They would be just meaningless, once it's over, it's over. But in my life, I've have had different kinds of dreams, and some of them were meaningful to my life and my situation indeed. So when I have bad dreams, I can't help worrying about its significance. But the problem is, these bad dreams can be just as meaningless and may have been caused by evil spirits  just to scare and stress me out, or it may have resulted from my own troubled subconsciousness as well.

I cannot discern, still don't know how. Last night I prayed that God would bless my sleep and then I had all these nightmares, plus a message in my head saying something like "blessings can come through raindrops and tears" Well, I have no choice but to accept it as His will, and that dream has already affected my morning and a decision in my life.

Still, I don't know about tonight. After laying down my head on the pillow, what awaits me can be Heaven or Hell. I'll just have to accept it. Some people say, "pray or meditate before you sleep, and you won't have bad dreams" Well, that only works a few times, but I've had nights that I prepare my mind so well before I sleep, doing everything they advised,  and then ended up having terrible nightmares. So, it just won't matter at all.

Sometimes when something hurtful repeatedly occur to you, it is likely  that you will get used to the pain and just surrender, for it seems to be out of control anyway. I still thank God for the nightmare this morning, for at least.....I woke up early because of it.

And who knows, the change of my decision about where I should go during the New Year might be the best thing for me.

I feel tired and helpless tonight. No beautiful words or great hopes to share. Just want to live my small life and hope that God won't abandon me til the end.