I've heard somewhere long ago, to want or desire something is the root of pain, suffering, and our attachment to the Earth. Because we have separated in our mind that there is something that we "want" and something that we "don't want." When we "want" something but we can't have it, then we begin to feel unhappy.
Yet, one might say that if one wants the right things, life can be good. For example, wanting to be a good person, wanting to live a life that is harmless to the Earth, wanting to go to Heaven, wanting to reach Nirvana or become a saint, etc. It is true that these kinds of desire can be better than wanting to have all the worldly pleasures and wanting to do all evil ways. However...they are still "wanting" right? And if we strive and then we fail to have what we want, will pain and suffering be the result as well?
If a Buddhist monk wants so much to reach Nirvana, then he won't be able to reach it, until he let go of that desire. This is a story that I heard. I guess this might apply as well to about the desire to attain sainthood in Christianity.
Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night with a thought about this flashed into my mind. It seems that God want me to think about this. I have had a period of time that I got lost into a belief that attaining sainthood should be what I strive forward to and I should not settle for something any lower than that...but then big guilt struck me and I have to go to confession. Who am I to judge? I should just live my life and follow God's will in every single little things in my life (that...in itself...is hard enough) and trust Him that He will lead me to my destiny, and also trust that the place, the plan, and the thing He wants me to become is certainly "the best", for God knows me better than I know myself.
Then...another thought flashes into my mind. You can have a desire...if it is a true calling deep inside your soul. But once you have discovered that desire...just place it softly on the Hand of the Father, then pray and do your best on your path without thinking whether you will have what you desire. Just pray and trust and try. That's all.
Many years ago, I remember myself standing on the top of a hill above the sea and watching the sun setting into the vast blue ocean below. My mind was so much at peace, deep, deep peace. At one moment, I felt a desire so deep within, a desire to be completely free from all kinds of bodies, from all kinds of identities, and become one with all things and at the same time be nothing. I still remember that yearning deep within my soul, and I know that it was a true yearning. I had the desire not because anyone or anything in the world told me that it is good, but the desire seemed to spring from deep within and I could feel that God acknowledged it.
I mustn't let that desire become a "wanting" which will also causes pain and suffering. If the road ahead and everything on it make me feel that I am so farwary from that goal, I shouldn't cry or complain, but trust and trust...that God has already heard my prayer, one that comes from the very core of my being. His way, His path, His plan are perfect and wise beyond human understanding. His timing is perfect as well. And most of all...His love...is unconditional and never wither, the only thing in the universe that you can really trust and rely on.
Hmmm....I should come back and read this once in a while, for In know how silly and weak I can be, and along this road, when I forget this truth, I usually cry like a baby! ^^
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