important questions to consider

 So far, after a few breaks from this current terrible period of depression, I think I need to consider these questions carefully.

1. What really makes life happy?

2. Is being happy is truly the goal of life? Or is it paying the debts and accepting the misery and expecting to be happy in the next life is truly the goal of life?

3. Is accepting that life is miserable the right way to live?

4. Are there any alternatives other than accepting the misery?

5. Are there ways to accept sufferings in life with peace in our heart? (very important)

6. Instead of accepting that life is suffering, can we believe instead that life is truly beautiful in every aspect if we know how to look at it?

7. Instead of accepting that life will always be full of sufferings, can we keep on believing that one day it will get better and we will be happy at last? Or is that a foolish wish?

I found that the path of Protestant Christianity and Catholic are different in this matter. And now I really want to find these answers out. It should be helpful in deciding what kind of life I want to live and what kind of view I should take for my life. And for question no.5, I think some Buddhism teachings might be needed.

The reason that number 5 is important is because...lately I think I can't escape sufferings. Some of them, I can accept with peace of mind, but some are just...unbearable. The second group of sufferings, I really need to find ways to deal with them, because I think that I am not any useful, whether to God or to other people, when my heart is down and depressed. I can remember that my prayer and my physical self worked more effectively for others when there is peace and joy inside my heart.

On my trip to Lourdes, I found moments when there was peace in my heart in the midst of sufferings. And I could feel that my prayer for others were effective in that moment. But now, here in my home land, in my same old life, there is another kind of suffering that I can't bear. It means that I can't find any peace or joy inside my heart. I almost can't pray or do my regular work. That's why I need to find peace inside of me while I'm taking these suffereings or otherwise I need to find ways to remove or transform these sufferings. I can't go on like this.

From my experience, there are those whose life are full of blessings. They have sufferings only from time to time. Their life are full of love and good deeds for others. Their life are full of joy and peace most of the time. These people believe that God meant for human to be happy, even right here on Earth. Life is full of God's love which are expressed in so many things surrounding us, in the joy of children's laughter, in the sunlight, in the love that we share with one another.

And there are those saints, their life are full of so much of extreme sufferings. They do it for penance, paying their own debts and the debts of sin for others. Some say that this is the best way to live. For you won't have to go purgatory afterward for you pay it all here in this life, and you can help a lot of suffering  souls. People who believe in this path seem to say...don't expect happiness on Earth. Expect it only after you die.

The question is....hmm...so which way is correct?

It is really confusing to me because so far...I have had experience when God answered me that both are correct!  But I just don't understand....

I wish someone would answer this post...all comments are welcomed. I'm at dead end.

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One day has passed after the above was written, and I received an answer about something. God gave me a prove I can't deny that suffering in order to do penance for souls in purgatory is real. The prove was given directly to me as an experience and it was very clear. I also remember that another prove had already been given to me in Lourdes, and another one was given to me some months ago. Now I can't deny this truth and I want to be a witness of it for the Lord Jesus Christ and for the Catholic Church.

Now I just realize from experience that the Lord can take away or add pain / suffering into our body and mind any time that He wishes to. When it was too much to bear, He can remove all of the suffering inside of you in just an instance, like magic. When you want to do penance and ask to the Lord to let you have the chance to suffer, He gave it hard and long...and in a way that you know that it comes from God, not just your usual physical pain.


I realize now that I can only take some physical pain, not emotional one. People have different threshold for different kind of pain.