A Truly Touching Performance...

Having been in quite a particularly long episode of chronic depression, part of my survival technique is to give myself simple things that it can enjoy  so I watched some singing performances from show like "The Voice Thailand" and went through the last year's show as well. Then I found this performance, singing by a transexual lady. It was a sad song. And the way she performed it, I could feel the sadness and suffering coming out of her soul. It flowed like a river and touched everyone's heart. A deep, deep sympathy occurred inside of me. I could never imagine what she went through in her life, as well as  the lives of millions women in the world who have received cruel treatment from men, terrible betrayal and severe heartache that almost drive them to insanity.My own pain would be so tiny comparing to theirs. I am one who is afraid to love wholeheartedly, always shielding myself inside the wall so that when the pain comes it will not be too overwhelming. Some women, when they love, they love with their whole heart and soul, they gave their everything. And when that love was trampled under someone's foot...I could not imagine the suffering inside their soul.

Then, I felt the light. Throughout yesterday and today, I didn't feel any light inside of me until that moment. It appeared inside my soul. It appeared because of that deep sympathy and because my soul prayed for this lady and those like hers all around the world.

I hate it when people try to counsel me with words like "hey, my pain is bigger than yours" or "hey, you are not the only one suffering so stop complaining." Yes, it may be true but it is a cruel thing to say to one who is in agony. You don't have to say it. It is better not to say it. But...an expression of real sadness, extreme sadness, can uplift another acheful heart...this is a strange way that the world works. But it's so true.


Many years ago, I wouldn't have imagined that one day I would be in a position that I wish some memory to be totally erased from my brain. The whole memory of something. For it is like a dark cancer inside of me, biting away everything. I need to treat them every now and them before it spread all over and bring myself to death.

I didn't imagine, either, that one day I would understand what is like...to totally wish that you had never known some people, wishing that you could go back to the day that you have never known them....

To really see, and feel, and understand (but not by being told or preached to) that there are many who also feel this suffering...is a comforting thought. 


I wasn't the only one touched by this performance. It was one of the winning performances of the night. It wasn't "the voice" that wins, but it was "the heart."

Click here if you want to see this performance.