Better than Hell

Not so long ago, I went through the time of excruciating pain, misery that tears me  apart from the inside. It hurts my heart, my soul, and even my body. It dried the life out of me. It makes me keep praying for death and thinking that if death doesn't come very soon, I might have to kill myself.

Nobody can really explain the experience of pain. It is like you are locked in that tormenting room alone. It's like you are grasping for breath and feel like you're about to die, but nobody else knows it and nobody else feels it. You are crying inside your soul, crying tears of blood. But no one sees it.

So death was very much on my thoughts for a period of time. I seriously prayed for it.

But then, I heard these people telling about what they had experience ....these people had been dead by suicide but then got a chance to return to their life on earth. One girl was abused and she was very depressed. She took a lot of pills to kill herself, But after she's been dead, she found that if she chose to die this way, she would have to walk inside a fog with all the depressive thoughts that tormenting her for a very long time. Death is not a way to end such misery. It will be prolonged, just in another dimension. Another girl shot herself, she went straight to Hell. She talked about this extreme misery, a feeling of being burned alive, a feeling of  spiritual"dead" in her soul, no other pain in the world can be compared to such kind of extreme agony.

And both...were saved by our Lord. They were both given another chance to decide again. The second girl was also given the chance to experience Heaven, which is a total opposite to Hell. A place where there is only love and life and extreme happiness, pure happiness, absolutely no sorrow or pain of any sort.

And so I come to think. Well, life on earth can be a bit like Hell sometimes, but it is nothing compared to the real Hell itself. And there is nothing that will ever want more than meeting the Lord in Heaven and stay there forever. I will not risk any chance of falling into Hell and miss the chance for Heaven.

So I decide that I will stand through the pain on the earth. Sometimes it's a bit like Hell, but it's mild.
Just a mild version of Hell. Better to suffer here than in that realm of complete darkness.

And when the time comes, eternal bliss will be there waiting for me.

After I made that decision, peace overflowed me and tears filled my eyes. It must be the right decision.