If you ever had a period of time in your life when getting up and taking a shower is already a great triumph, then you probably understand the meaning of little steps and small conscious moments.
I have read so much about being in the present. Buddhism teaches it and many other philosophical and psychological principles talk about it. The idea seems to be popular these days. But to believe in something, it must work in your life, so for a long time I wasn't really interested in being "in the present" because it did not relate to a dreamer type and a worry ward like me who is often deep in thoughts about the past and the future. Somehow the present was not so interesting. But all along I do believe there is truth in it, at least in the fact that "the present" is the only time where you can really do something. You can't change the past, you can't see the future, but you can give yourself a good future by doing the right things in the present. That always makes sense to me.
Thinking back to what I have heard and have read, there are also deeper versions about the idea of being in the present. For example, time on Earth is made of very tiny moments connected in a long, long thread. They are so connected that we don't feel each one separately. Still, everyone can only live moment by moment because that's the way time is.
Another deeper idea is that staying in the present moment completely can almost be like a shelter for your spirit. When the world outside is a turmoil, come to the center of your being, come to the very present moment. Now, that's something for experienced monks and saints, I guess. The only thing I can relate to is the peacefulness of being in the presence when I went to a meditation course and practice meditative walking and breathing meditation. I started to notice those small moments. It gave me a strange kind of peace.
But the COVID-19 hit and my meditation courses disappeared into thin air. They never arranged such courses again. It's a sad thing indeed because I meditate best in courses for Christian and Catholic, it is easier to practice it with the blessings of the Lord and with a kind, patient and understanding teacher. A long meditation course in Vipassana, like 10 days with my phone being seized, sleeping in rough hard bed, and practicing like 10 hours a day or more...just too much for me. I loved my small one day course with the Catholic Church, but sadly....there is no more.
Anyway, since I have not meditated for years and years, my mind is a mess. Nevertheless, recently there have been moments when I decided to move and do ordinary things like pulling a tissue, closing a bag, or picking up something by being very conscious with each moment. Surprisingly, doing so somehow makes me happy. I started to enjoy those moments. It is really like a shelter. I am not thinking about the past and the future or another fantasy world. I was just there at the "present" moment. It feels gentle to my soul.
Unfortunately, those moments are few. Mostly I am just one who is pathetically deep in thoughts or daydreaming. Being mindful is something so far from my character.
Still, I think the joy I discover during those small moments when I consciously move or do something will lead me back to "being in the present time again and again,....hopefully.
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