ONE DAY I'LL FLY AWAY

Thinking back to some of my childhood's sorrowful moments, I remember myself many times wishes to be away from my house, to live somewhere else and never have to return. I think one of the reasons is that I could not find privacy in my own house. It is so connected to other people's houses and no matter what I talked or did, other people would know because we have no space in between.

The same situation still continues. And that is the reason why leaving the house to stay somewhere else on my own every month at least for 3 nights is like the most precious thing to me. It's claustophobic around here. People just talked about other people's business and some people judged me in depth of my personality even they don't even know me or hardly ever talked to me at all.

Privacy is important to a child, I guess. When it was deprived, she will always keep on seeking for it even when she's already an adult. Maybe that is why I seem to have some kinds of wall between myself and others most of the time. Something inside of me just keeps screaming "let me be alone and let my business be my business!". Years of my letters being opened before it reaches my hand, my phone being listened to on the other side of the line, my private diary being read without permission, those years...I guess....still haunt me.

Last night I felt that someone close to my house tried to listen to what I was doing again. And it felt so horrible...really.

And I can here myself making this wishes into the sky again "One day I'll fly away...one day I'll be be out of here."

For now...I will build more walls. Can't help it. I have to.