Religions and God

During this time of faith crisis, I have to separate between God and religions. I don't mix them anymore. God will always be the same and He doesn't reside in only one religion and this thought brings me peace.

I am still considering whether to go back to The Church or to try back up to the main Christian line. I guess I will let God lead me. At least I still find some peace now with Him. I have come to realize and trust that God will continue to love me even when I don't go to church. Something inside me says that I must not try to believe anything that my heart doens't naturally find peace with it. I will stop believing most of the private revelations in the Catholic church for now. It brought me to the criss of my faith. I might continue to go Church but I will not believe whatever my heart doesn't want to. I will not join most special devotions from now on unless I really want to. And I will consider leaving all the rosaries and statues and chaplets...for deep inside I find that it is similar to idolatry somehow. Well, I have not made up my mind yet. Maybe I'll use them as tools if God tells me so. But to tell the truth...I miss the simplicity when God is the Eternal Love that resides in my heart and needs no object to locate Himself...the time when God is not in any statues or rosaries. I miss that simplicity and I long for it.

Jesus will continue to be my only Saviour. Certainly I will never go back to Buddhism, at least not the main line of Buddhism in my country. I've lived with it all through my childhood and teenage years, I didn't get much help from it although the theory and teachings sound very reasonable and real. I don't say that it's bad, though. It's just that I can't profit from it. I need a saviour and Jesus will continue to be the one I rely on for His grace alone can save me.

I love reading NDE accounts that shows God as a great love with no boundary. God that most people experience at their time of  temporary death seem to be very neutral and have no religion preference at all. And they all said His love is truly "unconditinnal." I have problem reading some NDE accounts that seem to promote a specific religion or doctrines of a religion and I choose not to believe them. And I will not believe anyone who told me that GOd the Father is a beared old man with a globe in his hand, either.

My spiritual conditions are very bad these days. I feel weak after I haven't taken communion for 2 weeks. I stopped going to church, going to devotions, going to confessions...just to find out if God still loves me even when I do that. And it turns out that He still loves me indeed. Now, that brings much more peace and I can go back to church on the day that I've planned, if I choose to continue experiment with this religion. If God said that it's good for me, then I'll go. But I will not return as the same person. I will not believe all the things they told me, I will choose to believe only what my heart believes, or until God really did change my mind so.