Reasons to be hopeful

At this moment in my life, I still have not found the answers or solutions to many of the issues that I am facing. Nevertheless, I think it is important to have hope because without hope I cannot really move on. It is unknown what awaits me in the future or whether I would fall down into the dark pit again. No matter what, at this point of my life I have the following reasons to become a little bit more hopeful.

I have heard of people who have fallen down into the dark pit of depression or condition that is utterly hopeless, but they were able to get up and use whatever they experience to become the light that shines for other people. Some people were so broke, without a penny left and with a terribly heavy burden of debt, yet they were able to clear away those debts and become a millionaire who help other people in need. Some have been on the brink of suicide, yet regain faith and hope in life, able to see clearly the way to do things right, and become the happiest and most fruitful person on Earth. There are also those who have been so lost in the world, not knowing what they are meant to do or what their lives are for, yet as time passes, they discovered exactly what they are here to do and their lives were totally changed and became so meaningful. I am not saying that I will definitely end up like those people, but there is still "probability " that I could be one of them. In other word, it is still impossible that I can become one of them. Why not? My life was in such a darkness, but these people's lives were in darkness too, some for a long time, before they found the light and become part of it.

Another reason is that God is still somewhat reliable to me. I am not saying that I have very strong faith. Actually, the same questions that hovered over me during the dark crisis of my life still hang there at the same spot. However, I have to admit that God still answers some of my prayer and still send some happy or joyful moments to my life sometimes. There were some guidance and some encouragement  sent to me in various ways: though books, people's advice and kindness, dreams, sudden thoughts, etc. God is still in contact with me. Even if I must say that I am still reluctant to love Him the way I used to love and trust Him earlier in my life, I cannot deny that there are reasons that I should continue praying and seeking for God's help. Not all prayers were answers, but some were, so it is better than not praying anyway.

Most importantly, God has answered the prayer that is most important to my present life. He takes away "the terrible thing" that used to put me into insanity and hopelessness. The first time the period of peace lasted for a month than the attack began again. Yet, after some people were so kind to pray for me continuously, it disappeared again and I really hope that this time the peace can last for a year. Although nothing can guarantee it and I admit that I still have a lot of fear, the disappearance of "the terrible thing" helps me to regain much of the hope back and I can begin, although gradually, to heal.

To summarize, I cannot say that this hope I am finding will not  be lost one more time. But I have the reasons to be hopeful that it "might" not end up that way. Many people have been in the darker pit, yet they were able to get out of that and fly away in the end. Maybe, just maybe, I might end up that way one day. If God is still kind to me from time to time, even after I shout horrible things to His face and blame him for so many things, then I have some reasons to believe that maybe He is really kind and that maybe He is the love that is above all kinds of love. Well, I do not believe that wholeheartedly now, I admit. But I give myself a chance to believe it, to wait and find out more. So, after all, I have the reasons to be hopeful.