Yesterday I had to look way back into my childhood to get some memory to create a scene in my novel. There was this particular moment when I was ten years old. I was standing alone with the boy that I was in love with, we were talking joyfully. Then a fear came up from the depth of my mind and I suddenly walked away from him. Afterward I felt so angry at myself for doing that, for walking away from the moment so precious. And I didn't understand myself why I had done it. I hadn't been able to until I've become a mature adult and look back. It wasn't just that time, but this kind of fear kept returning to me, kept blocking me from going to the one my heart loves the most, until all the doors are closed and no more chance was left. This same fear also occurs to me and stop me from becoming a writer, my dream career.
Have you ever felt this way? You are in front of your dream and you know that it is in reach and you can grasp, but there is this terrible fear, fear that it might not make it and fail, fear that failing would crush your life forever, so you stop and decide that you better not try.
It is not an easy thing to overcome. But I will try. This time I promise that no matter what, I will try. It has to be little by little. I might not just wake up one day and become a fearless person. But at least, now I've learned that facing that fear or even making some mistakes is better that living a life of regrets, a life filled with wasted opportunities.
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