THE TRAP
I am writing this to record what has happened to me during the past week, after I spent some time roaming the internet to catch up with the trend of music today. I went into Youtube and listen to most popular songs of the recent years. I found that so many songs seem to contain lyrics and melody that disturb something inside me. I don't know what kind of energy it emitted but I felt scared while I was listenning to it. For some songs, I could not stand listening from the beginning to the end because it's just so....evil. I can't explain but you can almost feel it in the beat, the sound, the words, and the picture in the music video.
I told myself, "it's alright, just listen to the good ones and when the bad ones come up, I will just turn it off." I was listening to those songs while I was working in the computer. So some time I got caught up in my work and I wasn't aware whether some songs were sending out positive or negative energy and I didn't stop those songs from playing into my ears. Even worse was that the music of a few songs were so mesmerizing and attractive that I couldn't stop myself from listening to it eventhough I know that the words of these songs contain so many seeds of Evil.
At first it was just curiosity, but then it became something that I could not stop. I just felt that I had to continue searching for more songs to listen. It became an addiction. Youtube led me from one clip to another and another and another... A part of me was aware that something bad is happening inside of me. I didn't even pay attention to the document I was working in the computer anymore. Those music were like some kind of drink that kept you thirst for more and more. That still small voice was trying to warn me but it was too late.
I didn't care about my work, although the due date was near. I didn't care about other people in my family although I know they need my help on some house chores. I didn't care about my time to pray. Everytime I sat at the computer I had to turn on some music, any music.
Next, my mood began to swing. I was easily irritated and often couldn't control my temper. I quarreled with my mom and my boyfriend. I lost most of the desire to be loving and to pray for others. So many senseless daydreams occured in my head while I was supposed to focus on something. Night after night I stayed up til almost dawn just to watch tv clips from Youtube. On Sunday I couldn't wake up in time for church. I knew I was bad but I couldn't stop. Deep inside, I was crying, desperately crying because I couldn't stop myself from doing the wrong thing. But those music and videos become something so...addictive and delicious.
THE FIRST HELP: Positive Energy in Media
I was searching for something in Youtube and then I saw a clip of Hillsong performance of "At the cross." Just for the change of mood, I clicked it and listened because I know the song and always like it. And while I was listening, a seed dropped right into my heart. A still, small, but very powerful voice occured in my mind, and said all this to me in just a fraction of a moment:
"Go and pray right now. Jesus has bridged the way and nothing the power of his cross can't overcome. Do it now and start it all over again. You know that you've lost your way, but it's alright you must start over now...NOW!"
A strong desire suddenly came to my heart, a desire to go back to the light. In that one particular moment, faith sprang up and told me that I could change and stop all these wrong doings. It can really happen. God will forgive me.
I ran and knelt down in front of the cross in my bedroom. I asked Jesus to help free me and give me a new chance to be good. I told God that I wouldn't do it wrong this time. I would resist the devil. I would pass the test this time. I wouldn't fail him.
I felt peaceful and light.
I went back to work in front of the computer.
The first temptation came. I said no. I won.
The second tempation came. I resisted and won again.
I went downstairs for some snacks, my mom said some words that hurted me. I came back upstairs.
The third temptation came. I said, well, just a bit.
And that bit led me right to the same vicious cycle.
Here is "At the cross", the song and video with positive energy
THE SECOND HELP: Rosary and the Three-O'clock Prayer
I spent almost the whole night on Youtube again. I fell asleep with my old clothes on.
That night I had a terrible, terrible dream. The demons were in a computer screen in front of me, the whole bunch of them with all their terror. I couldn't shut that screen, I tried but I couldn't shut it. They were there, right there in front of me, inside a computer.
I woke up. My parents were quarreling. I suddenly felt that a dark and negative energy has taken control of my house and also felt a dark energy inside of me. I closed my eyes for a bit but more terrible pictures came. I knew that I had taken them into myself.
I knew if I let myself go on like this everything in my life would be destroyed and all my hopes and dreams would go to dust.
But they were there already, the dark spirits, I could even feel their presence in the air of the bedroom.
I cried to God. Please help me....I understand now how critical the situation is...please help me....I learn now....I learn now
The still small voice said, "Go get the rosary and put it on. Go now."
I ran to my little statue of Mother Mary, took the rosary that was hanging on her finger, and put it on my neck. I felt more calm. I went downstairs.
My mother was in one of her worst moods. Nothing could make her stop now. She is throwing her anger to everyone around her. I know it's not her. It's the devil inside her.
I went quiet. I didn't have a lot of energy at that moment but I tried to help her in the kitchen at much as I could. But I had to lie on the sofa a lot too. I had so little energy. But something inside me is more calm and serene. Sad but hopeful.
My mom went to work, I felt asleep. I woke up again and it was almost three o'clock in the afternoon. I took a shower and went in front of the God. I knelt down and prayer. Then I noticed this words of Jesus in the little booklet that was there on my bed, something I used to read before but today it has more meaning to me. It is a command from God to me today.
At three o’clock, implore My mercy, especially for sinners; and,
if only for a brief moment, immerse yourself in My Passion, particularly in My
abandonment at the moment of agony. This is the hour of great mercy. In
this hour, I will refuse nothing to the soul that makes a request of Me in virtue
of My Passion...
So after I said the usual three o'clock prayer, I asked Jesus that through His Divine Mercy in this special hour, he would free me and my family from the power of the darkness, and that he would be my strength to overcome the devil traps in the media and bring me back to the path toward the light once more.
This time I ask for His power to help me resist and overcome the Devil. I no longer rely on my own strength because I know it's not enough.
After that, I also prayed for his love, light, and protection for all the people that I love and sang some hymns and spiritual songs.
I sat in front of the computer again. The temptation didn't come. I could finish my work. I could take my friend to the hospital. I could come back to the house and help my mom clean up the table and the dishes. I saw her mood lifted up a bit. She smiled again, although it was still a pale smile.
All of this could happen because of Jesus, not my own power at all.
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