lack of energy

My body is getting weak and powerless again. And I can't describe it to anyone. They all think that I am lazy, a couch potato. I don't know what to do to make them understand that I never want to be this way. I want to be active and energetic, getting all my work done. But this chronic condition that I've had for years and years never stop bothering me. My eyes feel heavy, there's no power in my limbs, and there is something like a big black hole that sucks all my energy from within. And they all think that I am lazy. They all shake their heads.

Lately my mother has a new theory. Everytime she sees me lying helplessly like that she thought that I had a problem with my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell her that it's not true. I just lose my energy.    I don't have the energy. I need more energy. And I just don't know what to do....

Maybe all I can do is just keep trying to fight it, as much as I can. Try to exercise more, pray more, or keep encouraging myself some more. Maybe I'll try using some imagination to help build extra motivation to fight against it. And whenever my energy comes back, I will try my best to get things done more quickly before it sinks again. Usually it only comes back for a short period of time, the longest is just one day.

And I will try...although I know that it won't be possible everytime.... not to be angry at my family when they scold me for being lazy. It will hurt. I can't stop feeling hurt. But I will try hard not to vent out my temper and tears at their face. They don't know what happen to me. You can't blame them.

But as I said, I can try but I can't guarantee. I am just a weak and sinful human being.