Well, it's hard to have so many sickness inside yourself, and they are
invisible in the eyes of others. I might really look like a weird person
sometimes for feeling very, very disturbed with some tiny sounds around
me but I at least now I found out that I'm not the only one getting
this kind of pain. It's called Sound Sensitivity Disorder (Misophonia).
Last night it got me terribly that I had to cover my ears. The funny
thing is when you have this, you're not disturbed by loud
sounds, but you are disturbed by some small sounds around you. That's
why in the middle of the night I had to cover my ears or playing loud
music to my ears or otherwise go to sleep or work somewhere completely
quietly. I shouldn't blame anyone who's making the sound because it's my
disorder, not their fault. I've attached some link to share this
knowledge. They said that many people have it but they don't realize it.
There are many levels as well. On the mildest level, you feel annoyed
but don't have to do anything. On the severest level...you go and punch
the face of the person who makes that tiny noise. Fortunately, after
some study, I found that, on my worst day, I'm on middle level...cover
my ears, run away, and feel like screaming or crying...
I wrote the above post in my Facebook just to vent the pain out. The sad thing is that nobody cares. The worst thing is that tonight it seems to get even worse than before. I feel like bursting out my anger, I began to have hateful thought about the person who keeps making the annoying sound, I began to hit the computer with my fists. It's so torturing, very torturing. I don't know how to explain how terrible it feels when I hear those sounds. It's a kind of misery you can't explain to anyone.
Then, the best part that I could possibly have, I decided to consecrate all my sufferings to God...to help anyone in need. There is a bunch of suffering to give indeed. Hope it will be useful for someone. The suffering felt bearable for a while, then the anger started to form up inside me again. I started to deliberately sigh out loud. Fortunately, the coughing person moved away from that window and cough less.
The anger is from the devil, it tries to make me hate the innocent person who did nothing but just coughing. He's already in pain with his health problem. I think I will try everyway to change my anger into tears when this happens again. Well, but I guess the next time I might really have to change my work station at night. It sounds like a must to me now. I don't think I will have the strength to consecrate my sufferings to God every night, tonight I am already at the extreme.
Alright, at least I get to vent it out. I'm using this blog again because lately on the other new blog, it was so difficult to access each page. I can no longer post any link or any picture either. Something is wrong with that site. I won't use it anymore. I'll come back here. There's a lot of space to write and play.
Good night. And if you wonder what I'm talking about, check out the below link.
Info about Misophonia
No comments:
Post a Comment