The depression become close to its peak again today. This one involves extreme irritation of sounds, haunting thoughts and negative songs in my head, fatique, sadness, fear, etc. The only good thing is that I am still able to function, but barely...only barely.
In other words...it is a dark day today. Another dark day.
But I searched around and found some interesting thoughts from a website. So I'll just put them here.
The most important thing we can do as Christians is love God and love
people. But before we can love anyone, we have to receive God's love.
Because you can't give away something you don't have.
It's one thing to understand that God is love and He loves you, but it's another to know and experience His love personally.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..." (NKJV)
When you really know the love of God, you don't have to be afraid of
making a mistake; you can step out boldly in faith to do whatever He's
calling you to do.
Thanks to Joyce Meyer. These statements helped me to remember the way I used to feel God's love. The way I used to feel the freedom in His love. I don't feel them much anymore. If love is counted like money, I am in poverty now. Have very little in store and don't know where to find more. Catholic church teaches me about getting rid of sins, about carrying crosses of pains and agony, about penances and suffering oneself for the sake of Christ and humanity, and about...no matter what you have to be like Job in the Bible.
But all these practices and teachings help very little when someone like me suffers depression and other spsychological problems.It gives me no hope. I can only see darkness ahead and darkness around. And when that happens to me...I have no love to give to others. Isn't "Love" the highest commandment?
But I will still continue just as I have promised myself...until June 2017. I will experiment and see the results with myself whether Catholic faith is really for me. There is still time.
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