obstacles to forgiveness

Many of us know that it is very important to forgive, but it is one of the hardest thing to do on Earth. Lately, I have received messages on this topic, twice. One is "forgive your enemy, do good to those who hate you." The other one is "Forgive seventy times seven" And I wonder who God wants me to forgive? I don't hold grudges against anyone. I don't really "hate" anyone. So I asked God to enlighten me and try to check my conscience carefully. Then I finally learned that I still haven't completely forgive a few people, because the pain was so deeply rooted that I ignore it and thought that it wasn't there.

The first obstacle to forgiveness is...not knowing that you have someone you need to forgive. The pain that the person have caused maybe so deep and have taken many many years to accumulate, and you may have grown accustom to that pain and thought that you are ok with it.You may be able to talk normally to these people, smile or play with them. Your relationship with them may look very normal. But the truth is, underneath all that, you still remember deep down in your mind that they hurt you, and no matter how you try, you cannot  really love them completely or wholeheartedly.

It is not easy to forgive someone who have hurt you from childhood. It is not easy to forgive when the people who hurt you are the ones you love, are the closest people in your life. It is not easy to forgive when these people still stab you unintentionally with the same knife every now and then. Sometimes they do not even mean to hurt you, but just a glance of their eyes or a word from their mouth that trigger the hidden pain at the bottom of your heart, the terrible feeling will flood again and you will feel angry toward them so easily. And you wonder why.

But...to be optimistic. That's a good challenge, isn't it? We are here on Earth to face such challenges and now they are there for us to tackle. This is what I am telling myself now.
 
I will sit with God. I will ask God to help me. Jesus is an expert on it. He could forgive even those who pierce nails on his hands and feet. Even the man who had seen all of his family being murdered right in front of him can completely forgive the murderers by the help of Jesus. My case is not that severe. Of course, it must be possible. But I can't do it alone.

Please help me, dear God. I want to forgive them. I want to love them more. I want to be free. Please help me, I pray.