When I was 16 years old and was an exchange student in Maine, US. I
was surrounded with kind-hearted and loving people who love to give
their hugs. Men, women, old people, young people, or even children, they
love to hug one another. I remember how warm and loving those hugs
were. It was just a way to say 'I love you' from a heart to a heart.
Since then, I have always considered giving a hug as something
beautiful, something clean and nice, something that is good and holy. A
way to express God's love to another human being.
But after I grew up and become an adult, I've lived in and visited countries where men touching women is regarding
as sin, as taboo, or immoral act. A hug is not view as pure and simple
way of greeting. If you let a man hug you, it is like you give them a
come-on sign. And when you are being hugged, you would feel like you are being harrassed.
Sometimes even a handshake from a man who thinks of you in a lustful way
can make you feel harrassed as well. Sadly, after some experience like
that, my body learned to distrust hugs from men. The last time a foreign
man asked me for a hug, I believed his intention was pure, but my mind
wasn't the same anymore. I reluctantly gave that hug because it was a
good manner to do so, but I believed that he could sense that my hug
didn't come out of a restful mind at all.
It is very
sad. I want to be healed. I want to become someone who can hug like a
child again. Then, an idea popped up in my heart. Why don't I let the
children heal me?
Children, they hug you with the
purest kind of love and innocence. I remember how light I felt when I
was spending time volunteering in an orphan home. I hugged babies and
little kids and they hugged me back and I felt so wonderful.
I
remember a special experience. One day, I was sitting on a bus to go
home. The night before I allowed my ex-boyfriend to came too close and
touch my body in an improper way and I felt so bad about it. I felt
dirty and guilty. His touch wasn't pure and although I forgave him
because I knew that he really didn't intend to make me feel bad in any
way, I couldn't help feeling so terribel of myself for letting it
happen. Then, this small little girl about 3 years old walked pass my
seat with her mom. She had such big and innocent eyes. Suddenly she put one of her little hands on my knee for a while, out of no reason. It was only a few seconds
but, amazingly, I was healed! I felt clean again with no apparent
reason at all. It was as if the little girl transferred some of the
purest love from her soul into mine, making me feel ok about myself
again. It is a very hard-to-describe experience, you have to feel it
yourself, I can't find much words to explain. But it was a miracle.
Truly a miracle. Just a few seconds and my soul was healed.
After that, the little girl just walked away with her mom.
There was nothing significant at all. She was just a child. But her
innocent eyes and her healing touch, I could never forget all my life.
You
know, I can't help thinking that the little girl might grow up to be a
saint. I can't help thinking that God send this girl to be born on Earth
for a very special reason. But then again, maybe God just use that
particular child in that particular moment, as his tool, to send me his
healing love, that's all. God can use anyone, anywhere, to do his work.
We can never know anyway. God's way is a mysterious way.
I will learn to be healed again. I promise myself. I
will find more children to hug and I will absorb all those pure love
into myself, so that one day, I can share my hugs and my love in pure
and simple way to other people, whether they are men or women. But I
will also learn not to allow myself be touched by people who use that
opportunity to harass or take advantage of me. Life's lesson is learned
through mistakes. I've had my lot.
No comments:
Post a Comment