I had to remove some posts of, afraid I have spoken something so bad against God while I was under the influence of the Devil.
Waking up now...early in the morning....without a reason...and I should be thankful.
Last night was bad. I mean...me. Lazy again. Didn't work as much as being lazy.
When I first opened my eyes today, I had a feeling that I might have to clear up my conscience better.
Had a feeling I wasn't being given a real Eucharist and my sin hasn't been forgiven last night (well, that's good. I should have prepared better, I didn't deserve it. Shouldn't have gone in there when a part of the heart was still...hard. Had a feeling something is wrong.
A mortal sin? Maybe somewhere along the way, maybe I have one right now. I don't know what or where or when I did it, which is very depressive.
Hope I find it out soon. Otherwise I won't be able to confess.
Maybe the problem is pride and arrogance. Maybe the poison is still in my blood.
If it is that so...big problem. That's the hardest part.
Well, have a feeling that another battle shall begin soon. It wasn't over.
Now I am feeling depressed again...
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