In the meantime

I struggled to get up today, and rushed to church in the morning.
I decided that I will continue for a while with the faith and everything.
I will continue to do the good and to follow Jesus command, although I have lost
much of the love and trust up  and still don't know how to get them back.

Well, the truth is there was the cross and He went through all the sufferings
so that we could have it easier...at least on that part...I haven't lost.

I don't have many choices, anyway?
Go on with that...or leave and sink down to the abyss.

After some consideration,  I will not back away to the Christian church for now.
So far it doesn't sound like that a solution.
I remember the day that I arrived at a Catholic Church.
The day of my baptism and the addiction from which I was free forever.
The first miracle of the Eucharist.
It seemed clear that God intended for me to be here.

So, I will give it a some more try. Changing back might not be the solution anyway.

At the moment, I can only follow God out of fear, but not much out of  Love and Trust. It seemed to me that God and "The Love" are two separated thing; not the same as it used to be. Something inside me is so hard and bitter and I don't know how what to do with it. Maybe I should ask for more help? Don't want to bother people too much anymore. But I have not really talked to the priest, maybe I'll try tomorrow.