Holding on, Hanging on

It is not easy not to be able to get up in the morning or sleep well at night. It is even harder when the problems from days to weeks.

It is not easy to go to church without knowing that you would feel so sleepy, so distracted, so depressed...or not. (It happens so often at this time.)

It is not easy to be depressed and try to deal with it without using pills, to fight it with faith, positiveness, and hope (which are running lower and lower).

It is not easy to be the only depressed member of the house and feel yourself so useless when you can't get up to help your mom with the morning chores and you have to listen to her hurtful words the first thing in the morning. 

It is not easy to go to class, gather your strength, and do the best you can for the students although you feel so weak and so down inside.

It is not easy to hang on to faith and belief, especially when you feel that you are not becoming any better person from it, especially when the same suffering keeps returning to your life. 

It is not easy to trust God, when you have had unanswered prayers before.

But...I will hang on. I will hold on. I will remember that my ship has passed through such big waves before on this journey of life.

I didn't die from it.

I will cling to the echo deep down in my soul, the echo that sometimes it is so soft and hard to hear...the echo that says...God is love. He is an Eternal Love. Whatever He allows to happen, it is for my good.

But I must say, I am hanging on with only a few fingers on the cliff, and the abyss down there is deep. My fingers are growing weak.

I will keep on talking to God. I will try to hang on to what my teacher told me.

Always believe  that God will take care of your life...you must believe and let go.  Believe as wholeheartedly as you can and don't be afraid to take risk. Then you will step out of the shadow, step out of the illusions of this world, and realize that in reality all things are good, all things are possible, because God is in everything.

I still have a way to go..so I will continue walking. It is a crooked and rugged road, but at least I still have my legs and my feet.


My faith is weak now. But...I will try not to forget who God is and who I am.

(This picture is taken from someone's Facebook, I don't remember anymore, but thanks anyway for putting it up there. )