My teacher told me this afternoon that I had to escape from the Devil's influence and get back to God. "The branch must stick to the wine, otherwise it will continue to dry and will finally die" and the more I am feeling hurt, angry, doubtful, the further I'll be from God. I have to call out and ask for God's help and I must surrender my will back to God because I have let the Devil take control of me. He said I couldn't even hear what he tried to tell me at all because my spirit is so blinded by the Devil at this moment.
Another elderly woman said, "keep praying more and more"
Mother Superior said, "Go and sit in front of Jesus picture. Talk to Him."
And they all prayed from me....
And after the phonecalls, I felt a bit tired.
I lied down. I didn't have the energy to call out to God.
I just took the rosary into my hand and looked at the cross with Jesus hanging on it.
Then I remembered...
I can't be mad at Jesus.
He had suffered the extreme torment and died the painful death, giving all of himself to God and to us. How ungrateful of me to expect Him to do anything else. Actually, even if Jesus didn't answer prayer at all, His job was done and we shouldn't be asking for more.
Then I remembered...
that I was angry at God...not Jesus.
I missed the Fatherly God who used to pamper me with so many blessings and answered prayers. His help came every time I called out for.
I came to know God before Jesus...on my spiritual journey.
And when I first knew Him, He was very, very kind. What happened to the kind Father?
Where is He now? Why did He turned cruel and cold?
I decided to keep the questions hanging in there, and told Jesus that for now...I will stick with Him. He's a good shephered and He didn't promise me anything unreal...in the Bible He said.."Carry the cross and follow me." and "If you remain in Me and My words remain in You, then you can ask for anything in My name, and I will give it to you." So, He already stated the conditions clearly. I will stick with Him.
I felt tired and fell asleep. Suddenly, something was being lifted out of me. I could felt it so clearly. The sensation that something is being lifted away from me and my body and mind felt lighter and more comfortable. It was just exactly what my teacher said it would happen when the power of the Devil is being lifted away.
I went to church this evening, and the first passage of the day spoke directly to me.
However, I am not totally recovered. The power of the devil still has a place in my heart. I couldn't believe that when I went to confession, the first words that slipped from my mouth is "Father, I have not sinned." I didn't know how could I said that words or what made me said it. I guess I still have some hardness and pride to deal with. I didn't really feel sorry for what I have done at the confession. I need to clear up my conscience better and do it again.
The war is not over. Just one battle ends.
And it wasn't because of me, but because of other people's prayers.
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