Resurrected

Finally, I'm back from the dark. The heavy storm was over and the sun is shining at the moment. Don't know when it will rain again.

I want to record some of those darkest moment, and the thing that happened before God took me out of the tunnel.

I was hurt and I was thinking that it was so unfair and the fault was not mine.
Then I told God and He said "It's your fault."
I was so confused. The storm was going heavier. It was so dark.
I was hurt again. And God still said, "It's your fault. He did what I told him."

In the dark, all I could do is just pray and asked for God's mercy.
I really didn't understand what I did wrong.
The storm keeps growing stronger. I cried, I shouted, and I asked God
The pain was overwhelming. I felt like walking stone, no life was left in me.
But still, I kept talking to the Father.
"Please....I really don't understand. What was the thing I did that was so wrong?"


And finally, on Divine Mercy Sunday, I went to a confession
and confessed something I haven't confessed before.

Then I opened the Bible
Then I could "hear"
Then I could "see"
I understood then that it truly was my fault.
When God speaks to your heart, it was so crystal clear.
I was sorry, I repented.
I thanked God for illuminating me.
I pleaded for a second chance.
I pleaded and pleaded.
And God was so kind. God was truly a God of mercy.

On that day I lost so many tears
but my heart was full of light at last.

But Grace stayed in my heart only for a short while.
Then the last period of darkness came.
Grace was taken away from my heart.
And I was left in the dark again.
All the roads to walk seem too long.
All the things God asked of me seem too difficult.
And the promise, the hope, the second chance
was still not in sight.
I kept talking to God again and again.
I looked out the window of the building
contemplating suicide.
I thought of my parents
and called my cousin to ask about the medicine that could help

And finally God said...
Just wait....wait.....wait...

Then an idea dropped onto my head,
and I accepted it.
The craziest idea...I never thought I would have.
But God confirmed to me that it was good.
Then peace came, flowing in, and I could function at last.

I was given the choice between staying in the religion or walk away.
I was given the choice between never seeing this person again forever
or go back, be  brave to admit my fault, and be meek to love and obey.
"He is my prophet." God said. "You must listen to him for the wisdom."

So I choose stay, stay and be meek.
I choose stay...stay and bend down like willow in the wind.

Then...when it's over.
The sun shines so  bright as if there has never been a storm.
Some people think I made crazy decision.
But the peace that I'm having now in these two weeks confirm me.

It is the Lord's will.
I heard the Spirit said that I should change my way and be a better person.
And I obeyed.

Looking back to all of that...it was like...oh my God!
What a storm!
But You were there all along.
And now you gave me a new life.
I hear you now that you want me to continue on this road of faith.
And I will keep on trying, dear God.
As long as you keep holding my hand and leading me.