If life is a roller coaster, then I wondered if I have reached the most darkest cave and the steepest slope (or even sharp drop). It has been so torturing that although I would like to smile and enjoy, but my stomach can't take it. The only thing that I can do is keep reminding myself that each roller coaster ride has an ending. Sooner or later, we'll reach the station where we can take off the seat belts, step out of the machine...and (oh I love the word) go home.
In my life I've been through a lot of prisons. School, workplace, home (when I was young), depression, addiction, and now my prisons are my physical body, misery & dark memories, codependency and ...religion.
Everytime when I'm in prison and I couldn't leave. I escape temporarily by this beautiful thing that helps me everytime. "Dream and Imagination" I fly off from this world into another world. And now I'm about to escape again...
There is a beautiful place. The sky is so blue. The sun is never too hot. And the whole land is full of pure beauty. Far at the horizon...there right there...the Eternal Love is waiting to hold me forever and we will never part again. I floated closer and closer...knowing that once I reach this everloving arms, He will hold me and will never let me go. All my dark memories will be erased, all the fear will be gone. I would no longer be locked by a name or a personality. I would be free from all prisons.
Lately, an idea reoccurred to me that I'm going to die soon. I don't have to kill myself. And I can't help feeling some peace. Death is scary but what lies behind it can be sweet.
And I will continue to dream...continue to pray. One day, it will come true. The land of freedom and the Everlasting Love who knows me and love me for who I am. I will fly there with my imagination...until the day that this body is broken.
Maybe soon...maybe very soon.
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