A Letter to My Teacher

According to an event today, I have a question that came to my mind.

I have always understood and believed that people are born to find their own destiny in life...we are here to cultivate love, to let go of hatred, to live with one another with peace and to be free from the illusions of the world.

I have also believed that each person's journey is their own personal journey and we cannot judge or decide for another person which path they should take, we cannot use our standard to measure a person's life.

I also believed that religion founders (The Buddha, Jesus Christ, etc.) are those who come to point to us what is the Ultimate Destiny and which path one can take to get there.

So, the earth is like a school that the souls come to take their human experience in order to evolve and get closer to that Ultimate Destiny, and this school have so many classes, so many teachers, so many grades.

I talked to my teacher today, I heard he said something that seems to state that all people who do not take the path of ascetism are those who are deaf and reject the truth. So I disagreed with him by saying that people are on their own different journeys, only some, when it is their own right time and they are ready, can come to ascetism, which leads directly to the Ultimate Destiny. Not everyone can take this path, if they are not ready. And my teacher seemed offended and said that I also rejected the message of truth.

And I just don't understand why he thought that I rejected the truth. I just simply do not want to use the word that regards other people on earth as stupid, deaf, blind, pigs, chickens, etc. I believe that when we are still early on our spiritual journey, we will ignore higher truth because it is not our time. Babies and todlers and primary students wouldn't want to read academic books of university students, not because they are stubborn, but it's just simply not their time. And for one moment, I felt as if his words seem to regard all others as lower than himself. That's why I spoke up, and I didn't even have an intention to offend or reject the lesson that he was about to teach me.

The words that I spoke was just an expression of opinion. I reject that we should not regard other people as being lower than ourselves, I don't reject ascetism as one of the highest spiritual path. I totally agree with that.

I know that my teacher is on a higher level and he had much more knowledge than I do. I know that he can talk about things that I can have no clues about because I have not learned that lessons yet. I never regard myself as knowing anything more than he does. If I protested a bit today, it was because I don't like hearing him saying things that regard all students as being stupid or blind if they ignore spiritual truth. It's just simply...not a loving way to teach, not a loving thing to say. Does God tell us to deliver the message, but always with "Love"? 

(Well, now that hit me on the spot. I also delivered the message of my disagreement in unloving way as well. I am sorry about that, really. I should have said it in a calmer voice and I should have listened more before I argued. That was my fault. )

But still...am I wrong about the truth that I believe in the first few paragraphs of this writing? I don't think so. I still believe that we should be focusing on loving everyone and should not regard anyone as being stupid or said anything in the way that looked down on them. I did that sometimes and God scolded me hard every time.

And if me saying this...is a judgement toward my teacher because he did not have the intention to regard anyone as lower than himself at all, but it was just me who didn't listen hard enough, then I apologize and I am sorry. I just simple disagreed in what I see. I don't want to have any "ego" fight with anyone. I only use my "ego" a bit on the matter that I am very vulnerable in this life and I just need to get stronger to survive. I never want to use it while I am learning things from my teacher because it will hinder my learning.

Today, my teacher mentioned that he would never come to teach me again if I don't listen, because it is no use to teach someone who reject the message and blind to see the truth.
I am very sad about that. Because I am not rejecting the message nor the lesson.

But today, I also let it go and prayed to God to tell my teacher that:
I am a student who is learning thing in her own level the best way that she can. She wants to find the truth about life, being free from the world, and her highest goal is to be one with the Light of Light, the Highest Form of Love.
However, she is still looking for a path that matches her level of learning and still got many questions to answer about her own life. She is considering ascetism as a path as well, but not sure about which level to take not to make it extreme. She is also unsure if she should start it on full-measure because she has not passed some other lessons before that one yet.

But if my teacher really thinks that I am not fit to be his student anymore, maybe it is best for him to find another student who is on a higher grade than me. This is not an ego-speaking. I say it because I don't want him to waste the time on me if God does not meant for it to be so.

And if God has assigned him to give me a message so he has to do it before he can go free, then he can just deliver the message to me, and I will record it down although I may not understand everything. And he can seclude himself in private place like a desert monk the way he always mentions it as something he has longed to do. If being out in the world with people really bothers his spirit that much, then I don't want to be one of those who bothers him.

I am thankful and grateful for everything he has done for me, really. That is from the the heart. But I also prayed that God will deliver the message for me. I am a student who is willing to learn. But if my teacher does not see me as fit for learning. Then what can I say?

It is true "a student should go to a teacher, not a teacher go to a student." that is true.
But if the teacher does not want to teach a student who is willing to learn. Then...
I guess the student will have to find another teacher. What else can she do?