By God's Mercy Alone

I remember asking myself one important question, "how can one accept pain and suffering with peaceful heart?" I tried to look back to the latest severely painful time and find what helped me go through it. The answer seems to be something that I can't explain. I did not pass the lesson. It seems that I survived by prayers from other people and by the mercy of God, not anything that I did or did not do. I went to church one day and suddenly God lifted my spirit up to become hopeful and faithful again. All that I did was just saying "yes" to Him and said that I will try again.

The week leading to Christmas was wonderful for me. It seems as if there is a gentle wind of peace come blowing into my life tenderly, healing the pain and pouring in the light and joy. The last Sunday before Christmas, God gave me the most wonderful gift, "His Presence" after I received the Eucharist in the church. I closed my eyes and it was as if I saw the sky and a rainbow and a presence of someone who is total LOVE. A love so great that it can cover the whole universe, so pure that that there is nothing to fear, so precious that there is nothing more you can desire.

Then, after Christmas has passed, the evil wind started blowing right back on. Someone taught me a way to deal with suffering, "Give it up to God. When the thought that makes you suffer come to your mind, let it go, stay with the present, doing whatever thing you do, accept that you suffer and give it all up to God. Do not think about the person who make you suffer. Just accept that you are hurt." Then the situation came and I tried to use this advice. I tried to accept the pain, the sadness, try not to make it turn into anger and bitterness against the one who hurts me. I tried not to think about it and stay with the present. But after a while, negative thoughts started to come in. I kept on trying but I am not one who can control my own thoughts. It seem that they can come and go inside my head as they please. So far, meditation doesn't help.  In the end, all I could do was asking God for help"please, please, don't let this feeling turn into hatred, ...please help me...I can't do it."

After a while, God healed it. And I didn't feel the anger and bitterness anymore.

So..one of the answers to the question mentioned above...the way to survive during pain and suffering with peace...is prayer.

I think God has a very good reason to send Jesus on Earth. There must be many weak people like me down here who can't just got up and be good. We need His help always.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.