"Being Small" is very important

The new thing that I've learned from these past 2 years is that humbility is so precious. I have never understood its significance before but now I begin to understand. How can we let go of our 'ego' or 'false self' without humble down and admit that the self we are trying to cling to is made up of illusion and can't really do anything much but obstructing us from knowing the essence of our true self as a child of God?

-I learn that my accomplishments are not mine and my failures are not mine....
-I learn that all I can do is try...but whether I will succeed or not...that depends on God.
I can't claim any success to my credit and I should not do so.
-I learn that feeling small like a helpless child in the palm of the Ethernal Father can make me feel so free and so safe. I don't have to pretend to be great or good or wise, I can just simply admit myself as a poor sinner, a little lost sheep, someone that God kindly save out of His love and mercy.
- I learn that even "being humble" needs grace. I cannot humble my heart whenever I want to. Sometimes my ego is so big and hard that it won't bend easily. God's grace is what I need to humble down, to become small, to let go and trust in His love.Many times I have to pray "Oh God, please keep me humble, please keep me small!"
- I learn that the devil can abuse our effort to stay humble. It will place the wrong thoughts in our head like "Yeah, you are worthless, you are nothing, and God may or may not spare you, He is greater than all universes and you're just a worthless worm in His hand, so accept the harsh truth, and know that He can plunge you into Hell anytime because you are nothing and don't worth anything to Him." So I learn that in being humble, it is very necessary to trust in God's love. That is a Must, otherwise it might lead us into self-hatred, despair, and even suicide.
- I learn that, beside God's grace, being humble can help ease the extreme pain in the heart and help us accept all hardships with peace.

I learn that...I still have a lot more and more and more to learn.....and actually I should accept that I don't know anything at all.

*************************************************************************

After I finished this post, I went through days without any strength inside of me, I couldn't do anything good and kept doing the bad things. I just simply had no control over myself. This confirms to me even more that I am just a wretched sinner and without Him I am nothing. I should be thankful to God for using this as a way to let me see how weak I am and keep me small again. 

Now I will pray....there is nothing more that I can do now in this desperate situation. I can't overcome my own weak self without His help.

Please have mercy, Jesus. Please pray for me, Mother Mary. I am so sorry....please heal me again.