Everybody knows that "ego" is something that we will finally have to get rid of if one is meant to pursue spiritual development. However, it is esteemed as one of the hardest thing, the last thing, that a person can leave behind. And I totally agree with that.
At this point of my life, many times I know that I must try to make this thing soften down in order to humble myself and learn. But I also learn that...ego itself is a protection for those who are not yet strong inside (and I am included.) It is a good protection from hurt and it is a thing to cling to when one needs to make a correct action while feeling very weak inside.
The ego is a little useful now. I will keep some part of it while it is necessary. I will try my best and pray that God will help me totally let it go at the end, of course. But for "Now" I need it in order to separate myself from something that I am emotionally attached to. The ego will help me walk away because it is the right thing to do. Actually, I am very thankful that I have just discovered that it is a very right thing to do. The ego will help me ignore my pain, ignore the tears, and move forward to a change of action. The heart is weak, but with the "ego" you can shrug, and say "so what? I will keep my dignity now. I will do the right thing for myself and others. I don't care how I feel inside."
So many times I wonder why some women needs to act so macho in order to show others that they are strong, that they "just don't care a bit." Now I understand that a little ego is very necessary for them to survive while making that big change, while dealing with their own emotional attachment. I don't blame anyone for this. It is definitely necessary at this part of their life.
The ego can also lessen the pain down a bit. It can't erase the pain, of course. But it will keep the person head on their shoulder, help them survive another day, tell them that they will be ok and encourage them that they will be able to make it. The heart might feel like a glass that is about to break into pieces but the ego hold it together. Keep it alive.
The "ego" is something to get rid of. Yes, that is for sure. But...at the right time.
Am I writing this blog with my ego? I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. But when I think about it, people learn from each other anyway...we even learn from each other's mistakes. I never shout that anyone to believe or agree with what I say...everybody has their own thought and consideration. At least, if they see how foolish is my writing, they will learn not be like me, hehe!
Anyway, even if this blog affects no one. It now affects me in a positive way because it helps me put my thoughts in order and record it for future review.
I will believe my "ego" a bit this time.
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