Some people say that religion is a tool toward the truth, in itself not the answer, but just a way that will help you find the answer. I think I agree with that.
At first, before I became a Catholic, I often heard a bad remark about the belief of this religion, something like "they are crazy, trying to deny themselves, restraining and restricting their own life and body, these people are crazy." And then there are movies that show pictures of insane Catholic monks who tortures themselves by whipping their own back or torturing and burming people of other faith. This gives me a chill, and in those days I never thought that I would one day entering this faith. I was glad for being just a simple "Christian."
Now, today I have been in this religion for more than two years, learning and exploring their teachings and practices. I can't denied that it was a calling, God wanted me here. There are something else that I must learn apart from the simple and real truth about Christ being taught in other lines of Christianity.
What I learn about ascetism are:
- Catholics don't encourage extreme torment of the body. Ascetism can be practiced moderately and it is possible in the modern world.
- "Eat less, please oneself less, speak less, and pray more" really does good things to you.
- The last period that I tried it (very mildly), together with receiving the Eucharist everyday, it seemed that the condition of my spirit is better. Once I stopped and returned to the old way of living, my condition fell dramatically, like down from 80 to 20.
- I am able to hear God speaking and guiding me more clearly when I don't pamper my body so much with food, drink, internet, movies, shopping, speaking nonsense, etc. If I spend more time in prayers and mass, I will gain benefits because this is a way to clean up the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is our body and mind.
-While practicing that, I need to avoid committing sin and if I do, then I should confess right away. Sins are like the dirt on your clothes, when you get it on, your clothes are dirty and you have to wash it away (being forgiven by Christ).
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All of these things that I learn, I have to thank my teacher, my godmother, the priest from the chapel, a book that I am translating (a wonderful book, God spoke to me through this book many times: Heaven Begins Within You by Anselm Gruen and another book that I am reading while traveling in boat, bus or sky train, a very insightful book: School of the Holy Spirit by Aneel Aranha.
However, one thing that I really believe is that you cannot accomplish anything without God. It is wrong to believe if we control ourselves enough then we will be able to progress spiritually. This is not true at all.
If I don't obey His will, if I don't pray for His help, if I believe that it is my own ability that makes me a better person, then I would fall so hard no matter how diligently I try to restrain by body and desire. Ascetism is just a tool, it is not the answer.
Like meditation, I use to practice it very hard, feel very determined, and was hurt when I didn't seem to progress. And one day, God took me off and away during the first one or two breath of meditation, then I realized that....just let it go. If God wants to lift up my spirit, then He will, right away with just a blink of an eye. If He decides that I should not progress, then I should accept it humbly and just keep on practicing. I must try not to let aspiration, pride, and self-centering to get the best of me. If I still have these things, God won't let me progress much, I believe.
Sometimes I wonder if writing this blog is being boastful, but then I think, people can shares miracles and things that happen in their life as a witness to the world, then this blog is the same thing. It's just a sharing of a person's life. That's all. I am just one poor soul that won't be able to do anything without Jesus (and probably had already killed myself if God hadn't saved me.). How can I be boastful? There is nothing to boast about.
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