Deeper Depression

I have nothing much to write here, because my condition has worsen since last night. Both of my depression and anxiety problem was getting much better during the day time yesterday, but then they seem to double late last night and this morning. I think I'm facing a harder trial (viewing it positively) or I have been punished (viewing it negatively).

What makes it worse is that the hope and faith seem to dry up even more. Something seem to be playing with my guilt and the wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night symptoms with lots of negative thoughts in my head seem to worsen. Maybe I really need to pop some pills just to help combat it physically at least. Maybe consulting with a doctor can be helpful too.

Another thing that makes it more harder to overcome this time is...it's hard for me to pray. Praying is very important but right now something inside my spirit is such a turmoil and it takes away a lot of concentration, faith, hope, love and it adds in a lot of fear and guilt.

For now, I am doing another experiment to see what might be the spiritual cause of my worsen conditions. The last experiment that I tried to find out what caused the fatique seem to work pretty well. The first suspect was not the cause. The second suspect might be part of the course, because after removing it, my condition got better. I have not yet experimented with the third suspect, because it involves talking to a person. I have to prepare myself well for that because in my low spirit, talking to someone who has recently said things whidch hurt your feeling can make the condition worsen. Still necessary to do though. And overall, I also believe that lack of exercise can be part of the long-term physical cause as well.

For my worsen condition, so far I have two suspects. I have just experimented one of them and will wait to see the result. I have to do this experimenting stuff because I can't trust my reasoning ability that much lately. My mind is not well. It can present so many things as the cause which may lead to unnecessary guilt.

This is "My Resting Place" so I just write down anything to give my mind more rest.