lack of faith and more suffering

I just deleted my latest post because it was written out of the spirit of fear instead of trust in God.

It is very important to stay trusting and to have faith and hope. But sometimes that can be really hard when you face one of your deepest fears. A fear you don't even know where it comes from for it seems to surface from deep within.

But I will choose to trust Him anyway. I will no longer believe in signs or dreams that came to scare me about this particular subject. I will continue to remind myself that God has my future safe in His hand. 

Last night...terrible condition of anxiety and nightmare returns to me, I had very little sleep.
This morning....I woke up late again.
This afternoon...things got much better and I could feel the energy return to my body. I  was able to pray with faith and trust.
Tonight....I got stuck with television...oh!!! What a shame! Then I fell asleep on the sofa.
Very late tonight....more nightmare and anxiety. Now I'm up in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I will try to gather the little bit of faith ( I don't have a lot now.) And I will believe that even the suffering now is also included in the plan of God and it's just an obstacle to overcome along the way. I will try to separate the negative thoughts that suddenly pop up in my head at night whether it is something that my inner self trying to tell me or it is just something my mind make up because my mind is sick. I will consult the doctor if I have to.